On the grossest level, I am several pounds lighter. I did not actively try to lose weight; however, over the course of major life change and crisis, I lost all appetite. It was so bizarre to never feel hungry. The sheer thought of food repulsed me. Whenever I did manage to choke down a small nibble, my stomach would twist and turn and otherwise make me unbearably uncomfortable. I was never one to NOT eat no matter what I was experiencing, but this time around my emotions ruled over all basic functions.
Aside from that, my muscles feel less tight and tense. I am lighter and looser to such an extent that my yoga teacher, who I see daily, asked what changed. Curious, he wants to know how I become increasingly flexible in what seems like overnight. I am able to bind in poses that before were so difficult I assumed would take months to complete. Now, I can do so with ease and grace, without overexertion or struggle. My transitions inbetween poses have a new airy bounce as I float daintily on and off my mat. My body feels softer, more sensual and not as stiff, rigid and solid. I no longer have to prove my toughness and hide behind a hard, external shell.
I am loving this new body, giving much reflection to why it is so altered yet still feels like home. I realized that energetically I was carrying around so much baggage....extra weight surrounding not only my relationship to my boyfriend but to other people as well. In my first week of massive change, life presented opportunities to deal with every person who in some form or another was burdening my heart. I apologized for people I wronged. I expressed anger and sadness to those who have hurt me. I cleared the air and received much needed vindication from an an ex-lover. All negative emotions were acknowledged, explained and released.
I let go of so much during that time without knowing the effect it would have on my body. Moreover, my internal being feels changed and in every way, better. Nothing is tearing at my soul. I am no longer plagued with conversations that never took place or words that never found their way out of my mouth. I have shed it all, enjoying a new space of no regrets, no heaviness. I live in a new energetic body, one full of peace and balance. My old self has been put to rest.
Sheer bliss.
