2010 is soon coming to close. As is my tradition, I take the last few days to reflect on the past year, from the triumphs and losses to everything in between. The overwhelming theme is transformation. 2010 was a year of change and growth. On so many levels, I feel inherently different.
This year, my love and passion for yoga blossomed. It is a staple in my daily life. Using it as a guide, it has become instrumental in my process of self-realization and inner peace. I gained a stronger body, mind and spirit. The practice provides a constant source of new challenges ranging from difficult poses to focused concentration. Becoming certified as an instructor exposed me to yoga's expansive view of philosophy and immersed me into the purity of a yogic life. Most importantly, it has augmented by connection to God, the source, the creator of all. My faith and spirituality is strengthened as my heart opens each time I step onto my mat. I am especially grateful yoga has taken such root in my being, a gift I know I will appreciate for the rest of my life.
Looking back, I also am thankful I grew as a business woman. Taking classes taught me valuable skills such as business planning and marketing. I learned how to start and run a successful business, as well as the immense responsibility it entails. I developed an appreciation and understanding of finances, tracking my income and expenses while creating room for financial abundance. Restructuring my business created new boundaries and rules that has given me added stability and freedom. I have embraced challenges, clients and opportunities. As business moves to the next level, I am confident in my abilities and talents. I recognize my passions and appreciate the love of my life's work.
This year was also the expansion of mindfulness. Volunteering for others has changed my perception of the world. I no longer live in a bubble. I recognize I have the time, talents and gifts that can be of service to others. I have enough energy to share. Additionally, this awareness has spread into other areas of my life. Non-harming plays an integral role in my decision making, as I try to be as considerate and respectful as possible to others. Compassion and patience are practiced daily as is integrity and truthfulness. I try to view the world with an ever-expanding embrace, spreading the goodness at every opportunity.
Nurturing friendships was also a huge change in 2010. As a person who once steered away from female friends, I now realize them as a necessity. Being surrounded by such extraordinary women has shown me a new level of investment and commitment. I understand the components of a great relationship, from going the extra mile for a friend to giving it the time and energy it deserves. I appreciate the nurturing possible only by other females. I am particularly grateful for the presence of such strong and confident women in my life who teach me by living boldly as they overflow with bravery, intelligence and strength. They motivate me to OWN my femininity, my inner goddess self.
Forgiveness has played a large part of these past twelve months. After the fog of my last relationship lifted, I woke up to a realization that I owed apologies to several people I hurt along the way. I failed to see the consequences my actions had on others. In the moment I understood the magnitude of my choices, I took immediate action to rectify the situation. Learning to ask for forgiveness is hard yet healing and liberating all at once. It required a mustering of courage like none other I ever experienced. To forced me to face the ugly side of myself, the side I never really wanted to see. Thankfully, I was received back with such love, grace, warmth and kindness; I still feel beyond moved by the love forgiveness bestowed. This will forever remain such a treasured gift.
2010 is also a year of travel. Spending two months navigating through Thailand taught me valuable skills on planning, surviving and problem solving. I learned how to communicate across language and land boundaries. Despite circumstance, I adapted. The responsibility of figuring out details and calculations enabled my confidence and courage to exponentially grow. From that experience alone, I trust myself to find a way through any obstacle.
Additionally, a spontaneous weekend trip finally brought me to California, a place I always dreamed of reaching. In the short span of a few day spent, life gave me the catalyst for embarking on the my major life change. I found a piece of my heart in San Fransisco and carried it back to New York. From that point on, everything changed.
Most of all, 2010 was a year of self-love and trust. I spent more than half the year in a relationship in which my heart was never fully invested. I knew all along it would end, felt feelings of temporariness, obvious he wasn't the ONE. I finally developed the courage to leave a doomed relationship. To break my pattern, I learned not to stay for the wrong reasons. To be honest with myself, I now trust me and my gut instincts. I realized the magnitude of self-deception and have consequently vowed never to lie to myself again.
The overwhelming lesson of 2010 is to trust me...trust that I am good enough, strong enough, capable enough. To trust my inner guidance; I am all I need. It isn't that a lover or life partner isn't pleasurable and enjoyable, it just isn't a necessity anymore. I learned how to be alone with myself, to be lonely in my big bed with no one to cuddle. I learned to make choices without regard for anyone else, not in a selfish sense but in a self-love sense. I now choose what is best for me for I am my utmost responsibility. I take time to do what I love, to do all those things so easily lost when another person comes along.
Additionally, as my emotional intelligence improves, I am much better at identifying feelings. To be with them in gentle acceptance has proved much better than stifling, repressing or pretending. I understand what longing is, the intense desire to be loved and held. I can cry openly, without shame. I allow myself to be vulnerable, to be seen, wounded and in need. Setting my pride aside, I ask for help when needed. Embracing feelings is my new favorite skill. Being tough to me is no longer about wearing a mask of strength and courage. To me, its being with my sadness and still being ok.
Lastly, 2010 was an opportunity for me to love again. My heart is open like never before. I trust and surrender to this. Sometimes it scares me, for the risk of hurt is real and raw. Yet the depth of what I feel is unparalleled. It IS magic. I understand the difference and can never revert back. The view from here is just too good.
I am overwhelmingly grateful for the people, places and moments I have been given this year. As I set my intentions for 2011, I remain thankful for all this year has been.
Wishing all an abundantly beautiful new year of possibility.
Thank You.
